They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
