So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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