This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
