Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
