Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
