Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
