Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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