matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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