...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
