My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
