Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
