All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
