speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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