Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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