I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
