is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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