so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
