dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
