never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
