Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
