The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
