I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
