He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
