I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She bit a glass in half.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
