I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
