His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
