i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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