Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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