they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
