Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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