your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
