The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think people are normalizing furries
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
