That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
