That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
