I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
