Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
