i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
