Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
