Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
