Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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