I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
