i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sobbing to NWA
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
