It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's the barista slut.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
