you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
