they need to just BURY HIM!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
