Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
