I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
