i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
