she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
