yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
