Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
