Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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