I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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