1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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