i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
