tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
