Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
