May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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