The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
